i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize