You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
