Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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