I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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