are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
