I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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