Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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