he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
