I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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