Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
