im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
