I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
