tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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