Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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