So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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