Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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