I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
