hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
