I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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