U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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