That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
