brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
