Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
