Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
