I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
