On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
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All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
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Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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