I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
