i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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