he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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