My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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