So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
