He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
