Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
