But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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