I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
