I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
