Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
