Porn is love you can see.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
