i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
