In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So. Much. Porn.
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