He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
