i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
