I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
