but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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