Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
