Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
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If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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