apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
