After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
