and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
