just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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