K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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