I am puke
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
