She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
