he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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