Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
