Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
