do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
