found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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