haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
