It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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