I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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