I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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